Intergalactic New Years Party

December 31, 2009 found me happily reunited with my two lovers, partying it up in a house decorated top to bottom with cheesy renditions of many things intergalactic. The living room had sparkling planets hanging from the ceiling and xmas lights on the walls, aliens were stuck to the walls of the kitchen, and someone with an odd sense of humor had placed a sign in the bathroom with an arrow pointing to the toilet that said "black hole". The music was fantastic (two talented bands and a dj). The three of us, decked out in black spandex and glowsticks, enthusiastically tore up the dance floor with a mix of modified swing dancing and groovin' to the techno beat.

Midnight arrived! With a flourish I was dipped backwards and passionately kissed for several minutes. After finding and smooching my other lover, I kissed several friends whom I had been mutually eyeing for a while. Later, I settled down in a quiet place to enjoy the delicious snacks someone had pulled out- sushi, homemade cheese puffs, blondies, guacamole and crackers. It was a delightful night!

Around 2am I'd had enough partying and went to sleep. I slept by myself, as I had decided and made known before the party. I woke up, heaving, several hours later, because the sushi gave me food poisoning. And, despite all the positive energy and fun the night before, things did not go so well in poly land in the morning. The lover who I didn't kiss at midnight was peeved for that, and angry for when I had not changed my mind and slept over with him. He sulked in his room for the rest of the day. I was so nauseous from the food poisoning that it was all I could do to put a pot of rice on the stove and hobble over to the couch to watch TV.

A few days later we sat down to process. The angry lover aired some insecurities, which we talked about and resolved. The rest of the visit went with nary a bump in the road, and the two of them saw me off at the bus station a week later. In all, not a bad visit! I worked through some communication issues, weathered a stomach bug, thoroughly enjoyed myself at the new years party (and a couple others), and relaxed and recharged my batteries. Now I'm back at school, ready to take on my 19-credit semester!

Different Strokes for Different Folks

My next article is up on modernpoly.com. If you like stories about friends bonding and reflections on the fact that we all operate differently, then go check it out!

Disclosure to a new love interest

I met this really cool girl a while back, and last weekend we got lunch at the local bookstore-cafe. We found a couple of seats between bookshelves, and got to talking over sandwiches. Smiles were flashed, hair was fixed, legs and arms crossed and uncrossed, two pairs of green eyes met hesitantly. People came in to the nook to browse the books and eventually left again. Sandwiches were consumed, then crumbs picked up with fingertips and licked off. We discussed our summers, winter plans, majors. Thus began the subtle process of each discovering the other.

Last night I biked over slick sidewalks to her house, where we sat on her bed and continued our conversation. It occurred to me that I should bring up the subject of polyamory, something I'd never done with someone I was romantically interested in.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm terrified of breaking the news to someone monogamous that I'm non-monogamous. I'm afraid the person will be freaked out and run away. I have visions of a face turning sour as it condemns my lifestyle as "unnatural." I'm afraid the person will be freaked out, run away, and then gossip to all his or her friends about me. Then the news will be out, everyone will hear it and eventually I'll become a novelty item. My relationship status will get back to my parents, my employers, and then I'll really be in hot water... it only gets more irrational from there.
Luckily, it went smoothly. She happened to mention her ex girlfriend, and that conversation naturally led to me saying I was polyamorous and sort of part-time dating two other people who I didn't see that much. She grinned and said, "Really? Cool. I don't know how I got into a long term relationship first thing in college, but I feel like college just isn't the time for long-term, 'meet your partner' relationships." She asked me how I met them, I told her, and that was that.
We're hanging out again after break. :)

TNG means The Next Generation

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Hugs, anyone?

Today I'm feeling a little bit like these women.

Maybe it is just the culture at my school, but I've noticed that fewer and fewer people are comfortable being touchy-feely with each other beyond hello and goodbye hugs.

Both my significant others left in October (and are coming back in December), so this left me feeling pretty affection-deprived until recently. I started wondering... how do we cultivate relationships in which touching is okay, especially since it isn't a big part of the culture we live in?

Thus:

A few weeks I approached some friends, and asked how they felt about the above question...

I'm published on ModernPoly.com!

A couple of weeks ago I submitted an article to Modern Poly. They liked it, I revised and edited it, and now it's up!

Go check it out:

http://www.modernpoly.com/submissions/on-being-poly-in-college

One or the Other

Why is polyamory taboo and so rare among my peers?

According to the US Bureau of Labor Statistics (bls.gov) people ages 15-24 watch about 3 hours of TV a day. If you sleep for 8 hours a day, eat for 2, go to school and do homework for 7, and have a part time job for 2, you are left with 5 hours of leisure time. 3 of which we spend watching television. That is a LOT of television.

We see the same scenarios, characters, societies, humor, and drama over and over again. Through this repetition, TV has become our storyteller, the medium through which we learn social norms, how we are supposed to act, and what to expect from other people. Much of our learning comes from stories. This ability to experience vicariously through listening is a uniquely human characteristic. In the stories we see on TV, we learn that in relationships, a person must pick one or the other lover. To do anything else is strictly taboo.

Case in point: